Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Unnecessary [Un]Rankings: Annoying Advertisements

Basketball continues to be on summer break, excluding the nonstop coverage of tomorrow's NBA Draft. I don't need Chad Ford or anyone else to let me know that the Knicks will somehow manage to pick another bust. I won't freak, because it doesn't surprise me anymore. Here's an idea: trade that pick for Vince Carter and cement your starting five of laziness. Forgive me for my brief venting...

Anyway, I had begun this unnecessary list during the month-long break between Finals games. To me, the commercials during this past playoffs aren't as creative as they once were. In fact, they're just annoying. I don't know who's responsible; but they're on notice. Not even Baron Davis on roller skates is enough to counteract the horribleness of these ad ideas.  After reading Christmas Ape's take on Deadspin about the classically bad Alonzo Mourning G2 commercial, I've compiled a list of ads that had disturbed me and further added to my frustration with the gap between games. These aren't ranked because they have been equally bad, and I just don't feel like dissecting each ad's strengths and weakness...

GMC Yukon Denali Parking Lot Attendant Guy

It's obvious that I like basketball a lot. A whole lot. But whoever brainstormed this idea for an overly excited parking attended giving pearls of wisdom to an unknown basketball player is missing a few rain clouds. There's three of these in this series, all of which are irritating. To add to that, you don't know who the player is in the truck. Or better yet, what does that have to do with the Denali? This isn't 2001, and no one cares about that SUV anymore, GMC. Gas is too high. The guy in it works on Mad TV...Exactly. Never. Let. Up. How about: Shut. The hell. Up...

WNBA - "Expect Great" Reverse Psychology Commercial

The Women's National Basketball Association is struggling with popularity. Family Guy even knows it. So what do the marketing teams choose as their new ploy to attract more people? Discounts on tickets if you buy jerseys? No. Discounts if the team achieves a certain goal in the game? Nah. They get the stars of the league to say exactly what most people are thinking. Candace Parker, Cheryl Ford, and Tameka Catchings are among the women that have participated in it. This would work if the WNBA was on the rise; but all this ad does is further confirm the beliefs of those that don't watch it in the first place. A rec league team would defeat a WNBA team, and women are scared of contact are a couple of the notions that non-WNBA fans cite as reasons they don't watch. I don't personally feel that way, but it is boring to me. I mean, women don't even go to see women's basketball...

50 Cent/Lloyd Banks Face Split-Screen Commercial

This has nothing to do with my musical opinion.  This was just a bad idea.  The NBA doing for the respective series in the playoffs was cool.  I understood having Magic and Bird participate for basketball history's sake.  Even Baron Davis and Adam Sandler mimicing it is also cool (because Baron = cool).  Two rappers promoting an album by copying it is just...annoying.  Hey Fif, put some of that Vitamin Water money to use and hire a new creative team.  Between this and you conducting orchestras, umm...FAIL.

Dwyane Wade G2 Behind the Scenes Commercial

The linked video in the title is the actual commercial that aired during the Super Bowl.  However, my annoyance is with the second installment, which has D-Wade talking about how he drinks G2 because "his Mama likes it;"  while his friend sitting next to him laughs like he just said the funniest thing in the history of jokes.  I have a few questions.  Since when did Gatorade become a drink for the grown and sexy?  Does that mean I can go to the local club and get a shot of Hennessey and G2?  Are high-rollers going to start showering clubgoers with G2 instead of Cristal (not you, Jevon Walker)?  Gatorade is still a fitness drink.  Meaning one drinks it after sweating; not to mix with his Grey Goose.  I guess the days of "Be Like Mike" are long gone.

I'm sure there are other commercials that my mind has chosen to forget to spare my sanity of further damage.  If you have one that irks you to no end, by all means leave it in the comment box.  Look at it like this, maybe if they continue to drink that G2, they'll get better at advertising.  Watch out, Marketing Division.


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