Embodiments of Cool: Who Ya Got?

It's not a secret: Barack Obama is cool. He's as charismatic as people come, and has the swagger needed to be future leader of the country. Until recently, I thought he was the coolest person on the planet; but there is a new challenger. His name is Baron Davis. So I decided to do a "Tale of the Tape," similar to what the good ol' folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber do during football season...but with fewer dick jokes. Anyway, in the battle of awesomely cool people, who ya got?










vs.



Barack Obama

Occupation: Senator of Illinois; Presidential Candidate

Nickname: The People's Champ

Entrance Song: "Mighty O" by Outkast (NSFW)

Strengths:

• Unparalleled Swagger


• Loves The Game Of Basketball


• Approximately Three Times Younger* Than John McCain (*estimation)


• Is (Half)Black Arab


• Follows Dubya Administration


• Not A "Shuck-n-Jive-er" (see: Mercury Morris)


• May Actually Have Political Plan For Country


• Could but unlikely to Get People to Become More Active

Weaknesses:

• Is (Half)Black Arab


• Pastor Jeremiah Wright


• Does Not Have Superpowers, Cape, or Costume


• Lacks Experience With Military


• Has Had Muslim Schooling, But Isn't Muslim


• Middle Name Is Hussein


• Probably Won't Paint White House Black


• Could Become Victim Of Own Government (take that however you want)

Leadership Style: Calm and Collected. Methodical, but effective.

Movement Started: "Yes, We Can!"

Potential In Opponent's Field: Probably a journeyman, but likable, like Damon Jones...minus the ridiculous fashion sense.


Baron Davis

Occupation: Point Guard - New York Knicks Golden State Warriors, Movie Critic

Nickname: B-Diddy, Boom Dizzle

Entrance Song: "Cool As a Fan" by Little Brother (NSFW)

Strengths:

• Do-It-All Floor General
  


• Helped Further Damage Dirk's Fragile Psyche


• Could Topple The Soviet Union If It Ever Ressurected


• Unbeatable in Staring Contests


• Made Warriors Relevant Again


• Isn't Stephon Marbury


• Has Magnets In Shooting Hand


• Friends With Stephen Jackson


• Can Roller Skate To New Edition Songs


• Excellent Drive-Thru Window Skills


• Has Beard


• Lives The G2 Life...Minus The G2


• Will Randomly Help You Out of Kindness

Weaknesses

• Dwyane Wade


• Don Nelson


• History of Injuries


• Considering Playing For Knicks


• Isn't Missed In New Orleans


• Friends With Stephen Jackson

Leadership Style: Free-spirited with youthful swagger.

Movement(s) Started: "We Believe", Fear The Beard

Potential In Opponent's Field: Has Presidential swagger, but would probably only make it to Governor of California. He could definitely be mayor of Oakland.

You have enough information to pick the winner. To me, it's a tough call; but I think I gotta go with the upset and pick The Baron. He wouldn't have to deal with the pressures of the country, and would be a better teammate in a game of two-on-two.

Peace.