Thursday, June 5, 2008

Unnecessary Rankings: Schoolhouse Rock! (#10 - #1)

This is the second part of the top 20 songs from Schoolhouse Rock. So, without the long introduction, let's get right to number 10...

10.) Telegraph Line

This will probably be another disputed pick. The three-minute tune about how the nervous system leads off the top ten. This is no slight to this joint; but to me, the other nine are just better.

9.) Rufus Xavier Sarsparilla

That's a long name, right? Well, SHR shows you just how tiring it would be if one continuously had to say someone's name in a sentence. Thank language for pronouns, otherwise people would be sick of saying each other's names.

8.) Verb: That's What's A Happenin'!

Grammar Rock's musical summation of verbs lands at number eight. Hey look, it's a Black guy in a superhero outfit talking about words for change! That seems like a visual metaphor for someone in real life. Were the SHR producers foreshadowing to something today? If you believe that, then seek help.

7.) I Got Six

At number seven is the multiplication song about the number six. SHR jazzed this one up nicely, as well. The trumpets were a nice touch. The game is today, right? Just checking.

6.) My Hero, Zero

As the title could lead you to believe, this isn't a song created by Wizards fans about Gilbert Arenas, although it could be. SHR showed how zero allows us to count numbers to infinity; and recognizes its value as a place holder.

5.) Here I Come (5's)

This is purely coincidence that the fifth-best SHR song is the one about the multiples of five. I don't know that it would be appropriate for the "teacher/singer" to be playing hide-and-seek with small children; but whatever.

4.) Three Is A Magic Number

This song is easily superior to the rest of the Multiplication Rock tunes. The guitar and drum combination is perfect. Then, throw in the bass, and learning to multiply by three has never sounded so good. At least, when you're nearly dead from boredom. Is this how I'm going to be after basketball season's over?

3.) Electricity, Electricity

The first lock of the countdown. Everyone knows the hook. SHR shows how electricity is conducted through various power sources. That conductor is the man, especially since you rarely see his eyes.

2.) Conjunction Junction

Conjunction Junction would easily be number one, if the current number one didn't exist. I didn't watch the top two videos until it was time to hyperlink them because they would cause me to disrespect the rest of the songs on here. That's how good Conjunction Junction is. And number one (as if there was any doubt) is even better.

1.) I'm Just A Bill

It bears repeating. The top two songs are so good, that I didn't watch them until it was time to hyperlink them to keep my list as objective as possible. Everyone knows, at minimum, the first two lines of I'm Just A Bill. There's no need for explanation; just enjoy.

There shouldn't be any debate about the top three, at least; but if you agree/disagree with any of the rankings, the comment box is there for you. If this didn't make you smile—or you didn't sing at least five of these—then you have no soul.


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