NFL Final Destination

It was a pretty interesting first week of the 2008-09 NFL season. LaRon Landry learned to never tackle Brandon Jacobs high again. Vince Young is beginning to lose passengers from his own bandwagon. Matt Forte and Michael Turner appear to be worth their respective lofty pick and signing. And the 49ers still can't score two touchdowns (so everything isn't interesting). However, what everyone's talking about is Brodie Croyle's Tom Brady's season-ending injury at the hands of some guy. Regardless how you feel about the Patriots, this season will lose a little intrigue without the Golden Boy under center.

Now, I wouldn't be the conspiracy theorist I am if I didn't have a unique, beyond coincidental reason as to why #12 got hurt, and it has nothing to do with him not being on the injury list for the first time in 56 games...

For those of you that don't know, there exists an increasingly credible entity in the football realm known as the "Madden Curse." Ever since the popular video game has switched to using NFL players on the cover, each of them have had something bad happen to them. From Eddie George and Marshall Faulk's drastic dips in production, to Michael Vick and Shaun Alexander's injuries, the Curse has claimed each player in some way. For Madden 2009, [then-Packers QB #4] was chosen to be on the cover as a final tribute on what was supposed to be the end of his career. We all know and are sick of the story, and now he's a member of the New York Jets. So what is the Madden Curse supposed to do now?

In search of the answer, I'm reminded of the "Final Destination" three-movie series in which Death constructed a plan to have certain people die in various big accidents. When those involved avoided those accidents, Death came back and attempted to kill them in order (the deaths look like this) The twist is that if and when the victims somehow avoided Death's second attempt at terminating them, Death skipped to the next person in its order. But what does this have to do with [now Jets QB #4] and Tom Brady? *rose petals scatter forth as celestial music plays*

Since [Jets QB #4] switched teams after being on the cover of Madden, the Curse became confused. It was [Jets QB #4]'s way of "cheating Death." So, as in "Final Destination," the Madden Curse went to the next person in order. I believe that Tom Brady was slated to be on the cover of Madden 2010, therefore making him the Curse's next target. How else can some unknown safety injure the other Mr. Perfect twenty minutes into the season? Don't blame Bernard Pollard, Patriots fans. He was merely a pawn in the Madden Curse's diabolical scheme to eliminate the Golden Boy. There were some powerful forces at work last Sunday...

So who's next on the Madden Curse's list? Did Shawne Merriman's decision to have season-ending surgery spell doom on the likes of potential cover guys Willie Parker and Maurice Jones-Drew? Every one of those players that can potentially be on the cover of Madden better keep an eye out for signs that something sinister is between the sidelines. All except for Adrian Peterson, of course; for he is divine, holy and running back eternal.

And yes, I blame [Jets QB #4] for this, too.



Peace.