Terrible Television Channels: Who Ya Got?

I'm delaying my ventilation over [Green Bay Packers QB #4] because a certain Worldwide Leader in Sports does it enough to last three lifetimes. I'll eventually do it, but just not today with [Packers QB #4's] return to training camp being a, "Developing Story." Anyway, I'll be comparing two major TV channels that have positive premises but are slowly deteriorating into brain-dumbing farces. Who ya got?




Name: ESPN

Short For: Entertainment and Sports Programming Network

Founder(s): Bill and Scott Rasmussen

Debut: September 7, 1979

Headquaters: Bristol, Connecticut

Claim to Fame: First and only 24-hour "sports" network

Major Flaw: Less about actual sports reporting, more about [Packers QB #4-like] reality shows

(Not-So-)Little Known Fact; Some of their anchors are douchebags
alcoholics, and per-verts
ESPN has cornered a very large market in the sports fan. It is the only channel that shows sports 24/7. However, right around the turn of the millenium, it has tried to adjust with the times and be more widespread in its coverage. Showing the updates on athletes that have legal troubles is fine, since that has the potential to impact a team on the field of play. Breaking news that [Packers QB #4] has landed in Wisconsin to show up to work? Ridiculous. Apparently, [Packers QB #4] is the only player that currently matters in the NFL, despite football season being less than a month away from beginning. However, once the regular season does begin, then ESPN will expand to include all things Tom Brady.

But tWWL's bias extends to all sports. The Yankees and Red Sox appear to be the only baseball teams in existence, unless it's time to make Cubs joke. Once the Celtics were relevant again, and especially during the Finals with the Lakers, ESPN couldn't go three minutes without having a segment on them (that's no exaggeration). The purpose of a sports network, to me, is to have a place where both small and big market cities can see their teams' results. Granted, some stories are more prioritized than others, and it's difficult to squeeze all of them into an hour-long show. This brings me to ESPN's wonderful invention, the "Bottom Line." This is the ticker at the bottom of your screen that shows the scores/injuries/updates of pretty much every major sport. Recently, ESPN's bias has made its way there, as there have been dedicated sections to the Patriots, Roger Clemens, and now [Packers QB #4]. The reason ESPN can get away with this partial journalism is because the network is the only game in town. There isn't anywhere else fans can turn at anytime of day to get the latest on sports. That doesn't mean it can't suck, though; and right now, ESPN sucks.


Name: BET

Short For: Black Embarrassment Entertainment Television

Founder: Robert L. Johnson

Debut: 1980

Headquarters: Washington, DC

Claim to Fame: First and only station for African-American programming

Major Flaw: Turning into Minstrel Show Television

(Not-So-)Little Known Fact: Now run by a White person

I have already outlined my frustrations with BET, so this won't be as long as the paragraphs for ESPN. The purpose of BET is to ensure that minority shows and ideas make their way to worldwide television. As with ESPN, things changed around the turn of the millenium. More frequently than gradually but not rapidly, more and more shows and music videos began to show the ignorant side of us as a Black people. There's many examples from which I can choose. The "Hell Date" little person, all things Soulja Boy, and "The Boot" are all microcosms of the direction in which BET is headed. A few questions for BET viewers: What the hell happened to "Teen Summit?" Who really watches "Baldwin Hills?" Did people really stop watching "BET News with Ed Gordon," too? What happened to that Sean Bell coverage "106 & Park" promised they would continue? I don't know...

My main beef comes with BET's contradiction. I understand that not every program needs to have deep thought and be socially conscious. However, if you're going to have a premise that entails showing Black people in an intelligent light most of the time, then you can't refuse to play a music video because it's, "too intelligent." That, plus the questions listed in the above paragraph, detail why TV One > BET. The network having two "Boondocks" episodes banned because of how the animated series portrayed BET is further evidence that the channel's ignorance is growing with each "Hell Date" midget appearance.

And that finishes the comparison. In my opinion, even though ESPN's bias is incredibly annoying, it doesn't have partial impact on the decline of an entire people. BET wins (loses?) in this "Who Ya Got?" Leave your opinion in the comment box. Also, I think this has officially become, "Anti-[Packers QB #4] Week." There'll probably be more posts with underlined disgust regarding the coverage of his situation...*attempts to gouge out eyes*



Peace.

Lebron vs. The World III: The Quest For The Lemonade of Truth

This is the third and final chapter of the "Lebron vs. The World" series. For those video gamers out there, this is the part of those one-player adventure/shooter/RPG games in which you go through a stretch of impossibly tough bosses and obstacles, without the opportunity of saving your progress. Each opponent will test Lebron's metal as a basketball player, and will force him to use every facet of his ability to claim victory. Has he done enough training in the pool to successfully make it through without a loss? The first opponent awaits after the random picture...

Rudy Gay: 6'8", 222 lbs.

If there's one thing that somewhat hinders Lebron's offensive onslaughts, it's a defender that's long and athletic. Until this point, only Tracy McGrady has possessed both traits; and even though that score didn't show it, he has given Lebron the toughest game thus far. Enter Rudy Gay, Baltimore Clinton, Maryland, native and rising star in the Association. Gay has all the tools to give Lebron all he can handle in a one-on-one game. Like his fellow Marylander, Carmelo Anthony, he can flat out score the basketball. The problem is that he, also like 'Melo, plays absolutely no defense, and would provide little resistance for Lebron's forays to the rim. Unfortunately for him, the rules are, "make it, take it," so Lebron would continue to get the ball after each bucket. Rudy would get his, and if he tried, could bother Lebron with his length and athleticism. I'm just not banking on it being enough for the win. Lebron advances. At least the NBA didn't ban his last name for fear of flack from a certain sexual orientation group...Final score: Lebron 11, Rudy 8

Vince Carter: 6'6", 220 lbs.

There was a time when Vinsanity would have been the final opponent for Lebron. For the early part of this millenium, he was widely considered to be among the NBA's elite swingmen, if not the best. And then there's this. I don't need to tell you what that is because you should already know (nice draft pick, Knicks Front Office). Personally, I never bought into the hype, mainly because I felt his flash outweighed his overall substance. Needless to say, those times where he was mentioned in the elite class have come and gone; and Vince is merely a lazy shell of his former, Air Canada self. So why does he make a cameo on the final chapter of Lebron's saga? Well, as previously stated in Rudy Homosexual's Gay's paragraph, length and athleticism can bother even the best offensive players. If Vince felt like doing it, he could be a pretty good defender. Would seeing The Prodigy get Vince's competitive juices flowing enough that he actually cared on defense? I say yes, but to a degree. This is a slight digression, but I don't think Vince plays lazily because he's not competitive. I just think that he, like a lot of players (and people, for that matter), got by on his raw talent for so long that no one made him account for the weaknesses in his game. With that said, Lebron would destroy Vince in the post, and that would be enough to give him the victory. Final score; Lebron 11, Vince 9.


Joe Johnson: 6'7", 235 lbs.

Known as "The Reverend" to those in my circle of friends because of his peroidic baptismal of others in NBA 2k8, Joe Johnson is Lebron's third opponent on this final tier of players. I'm partial to Joe Johnson because I like the way he plays. He is in the top five of players I like, way ahead of The Mamba; but that list will be revealed soon enough. Johnson is a two-way player. He works best in an isolation-type offense, so the one-on-one game suits him fine. He also guards the opposing team's best offensive perimeter player in clutch times, assuming that Atlanta isn't being run out of the gym. Up until this point of this section of Lebron's journey, he would be The King's toughest challenge. He'd push Lebron into overtime; but despite more points scored, he wouldn't be as tough an adversary as T-Mac. Lebron's overall ability would eventually get him past The Reverend. Preach. Final score: Lebron 13, Joe Johnson 11.

Kevin Garnett: 6'11", 220 lbs.

Initially, some of you may disagree with KG's involvement in Lebron's journey, citing that he's a big man. However, Garnett is the epitome of versatility and isn't your traditional seven-footer (aside from like four people, who still is a traditional big man?). Few people remember that Kevin Garnett entered the Association as an extremely raw small forward, and developed into the other forward position because of his height and team need. KG could probably be a swingman if he so chose, and could perform admirably as one. Because of that, he is Lebron's next obstacle on the mountain of one-on-one. You can't teach height, and because KG is taller, Lebron can't bother his fadeaway on offense. And being a perennial NBA All-Defensive Team winner and this past season's Defensive P.O.Y., I think he knows a thing or two about stopping Lebron. Now he isn't quick enough to consistently keep Lebron in front of him, as Lebron can change direction quicker than most small guards, but there would be times that Lebron would find himself struggling to get clean looks at the basket. It wouldn't surprise me if he was losing early on in this game. Lebron would have to rely on every aspect of his physical being—quickness and core strength—to win. It would he long, seesaw battle between them; but Lebron, I believe, would somehow pull out a victory. Besides, he still has two more opponents. How lame would it be for him to lose here? Final score; Lebron 18, KB 16.

Paul Pierce: 6'6", 235 lbs.

The Truth has become quite the fan of himself recently, and who could blame him? He's the reigning Finals MVP, and went toe-to-toe with both Lebron and The Mamba and outplayed each of them in those respective series. His performance this past season has vaulted him into the "elite" category, and that's why he's the second-to-last opponent in Lebron's journey. However, while he is great, he probably doesn't crack the top ten on most people's "Best Player in the Association" lists—mine included. With that said, the man did look Lebron in the eye and defeated him in a seven-game series; despite Lebron putting on his cape in the final game. With his improvement on his man-to-man defense, he would be up to the task of trying to stop Lebron. However, I have this memory of Lebron dropping 45 points in said Game seven, with most of those coming against Pierce. Yes, they did go back-and-forth for the entire game, but the fact remains Lebron outpointed him. This is a game of one-on-one, and while The Truth would play tough, Lebron would eek out a victory. Final score: Lebron 22, Pierce 20.

Kobe Bryant: 6'6", 205 lbs.

We're finally here. This is the matchup that was envisioned at the conception of this ridiculous idea. Lebron vs. Kobe, and it's not a thorough explanation of the reason to have the comparison like I did before. There'll actually be a winner and a reason for said winning. I've been mulling this idea around in my head for awhile now. I've examined every aspect of both Lebron and Kobe's games. I even let the computer play it out ten times on NBA 2k8's one-on-one feature. Each player won five times. Kobe, despite what Paul Pierce may think, is the best basketball player in the world. Lebron, also despite Pierce's opinion, is the second-best player in the world. But this is one-on-one, where it's more about the matchup than just pure skill. I maintain that these two have been blessed with the most natural talent that hoops has ever seen, including His Airness. The Mamba has completely polished his diamond-encrusted game to perfection. He truly has no weaknesses on the floor, so why even have the comparison? The reason is because Lebron's level of awesome is the only one that rivals Kobe's. I believe it even surpasses Kobe's based on the fact that he hasn't even reached his peak. It's really scary to think just how good Lebron will be once he's Kobe's age...in six years. As far as the present, Lebron and Kobe would probably play the most exciting, competitive one-on-one game that could be arranged at this time. It's obvious that 11 points isn't enough to decide a victor; and most of the points would show the very definition of basketball. With the array of drives, jumpers, and post moves on display, one could make an instructional video on how to score. Kobe does have one distinct advantage over Lebron, and that is he plays the defense. He and Ron Artest are probably the only two people on Earth that could force Lebron into a bad offensive game. So, with all these factors in place, it's still tough for me to pick a winner. Does Lebron complete his three-post journey and walk away with a win? Or does The Mamba claim victory with his assassin-like precision? If they played one hundred games, Lebron would definitely win his share, almost to the point where they'd be considered equals. However, in a one-game scenario, there isn't one current player in the Association that I would bet on to win before Kobe Dean Bryant. And with that, he defeats Lebron in the most remarkable game of one-on-one this side of Jordan vs. Jordan. Final score: Kobe 39, Lebron 37.

And with that, Lebron's epic saga is complete. Losing to Kobe isn't so bad. Eventually, Lebron will be the gold standard for swingmen in the Association; but for now, The Mamba still reigns supreme. As always, debate in the comment box. Maybe this time I'll actually have some in there instead of the Facebook import.

Peace.

The Olympics: Where Subtle Racism Happens

Most of my ideas for posts come from the conversations that arise from within my circle of friends.  It's almost as if they actually like what I write, as if someone really reads the random nonsense that my creative so-called genius generates.  I received a message from a few of my friends about an idea for a post; and I took it and ran with it...

As the title suggests, the Olympics has some underlying racism that comes with it.  I don't mean racism as so wonderfully displayed in Boston via Massholes; but "positive" racism.  By positive, I mean the generalizations that the announcers/analysts make with which no one seems to have a problem (check the grammar).  Everyone does it, and this post is to help outline a few of these not-so-harmless stereotypes in not just Olympic events, but all sports...

I'll propose my main examples in inquisitive form.  If you were a betting man/woman/dolphin, would you place a substantial amount of money on Angola to win the gold in basketball?  Would you lay down a few hundred bucks on a Lithuanian to win the marathon?  I didn't think so.  It's crystal clear to most people that America has basketball on lock, and that Kenyans and Ethiopians dominate in long-distance running.  Now, with that thought marinating in your head, you can think back to past Olympic telecasts in which the announcers have said something to the effect of, "Those Kenyans are so strong in the marathon.  It's tough to pick against them."  Apparently, all people seem to do in African countries is run, like they don't have any other habits or like any other sports.  I wonder if Forrest Gump is the choice movie for the entire continent...

Granted, in other sports the winner is more of a toss-up.  For example, in Athens, each gold medal winner of each men's gymnastics event was from a different country.  However, what's more confounding than Richard Jefferson being an Olympian is that in certain sports/events, there are subtle racial nuances that announcers and fans widely accept.

And it's prevalent in the four major sports.  To my football fans, let's examine new great White hype and Masshole icon Wes Welker (pronounced Wel'kahhhhh in Boston).  Football experts always use adjectives like "cerebral" and "scrappy" to describe how he plays so effectively.  However, when describing teammate Randy Moss he's just an "athletic freak" or "physically gifted," as if he has no understanding of routes, defensive coverages, and the football's trajectory when it's in the air.  And if you need nother example from the gridiron, let's examine the position of quarterback.  When teams refer to their, "mobile quarterback," he seems to be of a certain dark-skinned pigmentation.  For those that are, "pocket passers," they're of the lighter persuasion.  Note: Byron Leftwich and Alex Smith are notwithstanding in this example because they go against the grain and, well, they're terrible...

I couldn't discuss this topic without bringing hoops into it.  Is it just me, or are all Caucasian, Europeans, and Argentinians either "standstill shooters" or "have an unorthodox game?"  Manu Ginobili is often referred to being a "nuisance" on the court because of the way the fearlessly attacks the rim.  Bear in mind that Dwyane Wade and Allen Iverson play the exact same way, but they're not pests on the floor.  Also, to lovers of the sport, the lighter-skinned players that aren't scrappy came out the womb with the ability to be deadly accurate with a jump shot.  Now, in my findings I've found a lot of this to be true.  I mean, how many times in a game do you alert your teammates to, "never leave the White guy open?"  Is that wrong to say?  I'm not sure of that answer...

To me, speaking generally, the spectrum—the left end having "intelligence" and the other having "physical gifts/athleticism"—moves further right the darker the subject's skin is.  Again, that's just a generalization; but generalizations and stereotypes, regardless if they're positive or negative, are founded upon truths that have long been established.  The reason why few people pick against African competitors in long-distance runs is because they have a long history of winning them.  Basketball was invented in America, and until four years ago, the country hadn't lost an international basketball that involved professional players.  The facts are there, and fans of these international sports subconsciously use them to back their generalizations; and no one has any complaints.  Is it because it's within the realm of sports?  I'm sure most Black people be offended if he or she asked for something to drink and the vendor offered a 40-ounce bottle of St. Ives Malt Liquor in a brown paper pag, stating, "A lot of Black people buy these, so I figured you wanted one."  I'm also convinced that most Asian people would become offended if people mocked them by speaking to them in broken English the way most of them do.  So why do sports get a pas?  My theory is that because the racial generalizations aren't as vivid in athletcis as they are in other facets of society.  Some of it, like the "don't leave the White guy open" thing, is done in good humor.  A lot of it has to do with words like scrappy, mobile, and freakishly athletic when they're used to describe a particular player.  As long as the speaker doesn't appear to be prejudiced in their thinking, or be blatantly racist, then he or she will be excused for those kinds of remarks.

So when you're tuning into the Olympics next week, listen for the statements with covertly stereotypical undertones, because they will be there.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bet to make.

Peace.

Lebron vs. The World: The Saga Continues

That's a very intriguing title, isn't it? It's as if Lebron James is on some quest to save the universe, all while keeping others from looking at his lemonade. This make-believe journey through NBA talent isn't that serious. I mean, it's not like he had his Summer League jersey retired. After Part one, I received a few debaters (again, on the Facebook import, not Fundamentally UnSound...) saying that Lebron may not be as dominant as he is portrayed in this series. I'm not delusional in my basketball opinion, but for the sake of argument, Lebron's awesomeness has to be on full display. I'm nothing near being a big fan of Lebron, but I maintain that disputers of my opinion aren't giving Lebron enough credit; which is why I decided to do this in the first place. Anyway, this is the continuation of Lebron's one-on-one journey with key players. The rules are still the same, except I have added the "win by 2" stipulation. So don't be upset if some of the scores look different for some players than others. Will I finally get to the most anticipated matchup between The King and The Mamba? Read on and find out...

Josh Smith: 6'9", 235 lbs.

One thing is certain with this matchup: there won't be a shortage of athleticism. J-Smoove has the length and explosiveness to bother Lebron, and he's a willing defender. The glaring question for him is if he's a capable enough scorer to beat Lebron, because he can't catch alley-oops in one-on-one. I say that he isn't, and that's all the edge Lebron needs to win. Final score: Lebron 11, Smith 6.

Michael Redd: 6'6", 215 lbs.

Against Michael Redd, Lebron defintely couldn't give the lefty any space to release that jumper. While Redd's reputation is that of a deadly perimeter shooter, which explains his Team USA roster spot, few people remember that coming out of Ohio State he was more a defensive player. And ever since he's become the go-to guy for the Milwaukee Bucks, he's developed the scorer aspect of his game. However, Lebron James is still some kind of a beast, and just like the others so far, he would have a great deal of trouble stopping him from going to the basket. Lebron advances. Final score: Lebron 11, Redd 7.

Ray Allen: 6'5", 205 lbs.

Jesus Shuttlesworth isn't the player he was with Milwaukee and Seattle. His points per game average dropped by nine last season. Part of that may be due to age, but I think a lot of it has to do with joining a team with two other all-stars. Just as with Redd, Lebron would have to guard against the perimeter jumper. I mean, Ray Allen isn't going to go right around Lebron like he's Sasha Vujacic or something. Even if Ray-Ray channeled the emotions and looked at Lebron as if that were his incarcerated father, he still wouldn't put up much of a fight. Lebron for the win. Final score: Lebron 11, Ray-Ray 5.

Caron Butler: 6'7", 228 lbs.

Caron Butler aka "Tough Juice" is climbing up the ladder of the NBA's elite. While he still has a ways to go, one would be hard-pressed to find a swingman that plays as hard as Caron does on a nightly basis. He's one of the few perimeter players that takes equal pride in his game on both ends of the floor. Butler also has no timidness in him, and his tumultuous adolescence and overcoming of it is testament to that. But as good as he is, Lebron still has physical advantages over him. Remember, after DeShawn "I-Can't-Feel-My-Face" Stevenson, Caron was the primary defender against Lebron in the playoffs; and the Wizards didn't exactly contain The King that series. Lebron moves on to the next opponent. Final score; Lebron 11, Caron 7.

Dwyane Wade: 6'4", 216 lbs.

D-Wade emerges as the Boss of the second part of Lebron's journey. The only reason he makes this list is because he's Dwyane Wade. At 6'4", he's at least four inches shorter than Lebron, and gives up at least forty pounds in weight. Flash has been a shooting guard for most of his NBA career, and he's undersized on most nights. He still manages to be a top ten player in Association, and his ability alone would keep him in the one-on-one game. Remember that classic back-and-forth battle these two had a couple years ago? In the end, with the T-Mac game notwithstanding, this would Lebron's toughest bout thus far. However, Lebron's size would eventually get to D-Wade, despite Wade having an endless supply of G2. Lebron would pull out a tough victory, and D-Wade's Mama definitely won't like that. Final score: Lebron 16, D-Wade 14.

This concludes Part 2 of Lebron's journey through the NBA's elite. Part Three will be up soon, and I guarantee that one will have cause the most debate. Well, bring it on then. Your arguments will get treated like Lisa Leslie (I couldn't resist...).



Peace.

Lebron vs. The World

Sparked from a conversation with one of my friends, I wonder if there'd be anyone within the basketball realm that could defeat Lebron James in a game of one-on-one.  I say no, and I say with strong conviction.  Now, I know I'm going to get fans of a certain Mamba claiming that Lebron would be no match for him.  Remember, one-on-one is totally different than the team game.  After all, Kwame Brown was drafted based on a spirited victory over Tyson Chandler (*rests case*).  The rules of the game would be as follows:  1) Game to 11; 2) Lebron gets ball first; 3) "Make it, take it;" and 4) All baskets count as one point.  I've taken the liberty of removing small guards and true big men from this list, because Lebron's obvious size/strength/quickness advantages would make those games unfair (he's listed at 6'8", 250 lbs.).  I'm going to start with a few names, and the list will probably grow, resulting in a multi-part series.  The King's first opponent immediately follows the random picture...

Andre Iguodala:  6'6", 207 lbs.

AI the Second is a supremely gifted athlete, and is a triple-double threat whenever he's on the floor.  However, whatever he is, Lebron is three notches ahead of that at least.  There'd be no way Iguodala could stop Lebron's tank-like drives to the basket, and The King could dominate in the post.  Also, as versatile as Iguodala is on the court, he doesn't function well in a one-on-one capacity (see: last year's playoffs).  If skinny Tayshaun Prince could lock him up, he has no chance against Lebron.  Final score:  Lebron 11, Iguodala 4.

Brandon Roy: 6'6", 229 lbs.

Brandon Roy isn't the athlete that Andre Iguodala is, but he's way more skilled offensively than him.  He can create his own shot, and shoots well with distance.  However, there's a minor task of having to defend a freight train; and Roy's efforts will be as futile as they were at the end of the Blazers/Cavs game in regular season.  Lebron will go by Roy as if he's not there and score layups at will.  Final score:  Lebron 11, Roy 6.

Tracy McGrady: 6'8", 223 lbs.

This is where Lebron's journey gets increasingly difficult.  As everyone knows, a healthy T-Mac is still one of the deadliest perimeter scoring weapons in the Association.  He's more comparable in size with Lebron, so his moves would have more of an impact on King James than the previous two players.  This one-on-one game would be even for awhile; but I think Lebron's rength would eventually wear down T-Mac, and Lebron advances.  Final score:  Lebron 11, McGrady 8.

Ron Artest: 6'7", 248 lbs.

The Tru Warier is the only perimeter player in basketball that can match Lebron's strength.  I've seen Ron-Ron successfully back down Ben Wallace in the post.  Artest has two areas that would result in his demise in a game to 11 with The King.  The first is that Lebron has an overwhelmingly big quickness advantage.  If Ron-Ron guesses wrong on defense, Lebron's too fast for him to recover.  The second drawback is that Artest doesn't possess a one-on-one mentality.  He can score, but I think he'd have to work really hard to get a bucket each time he had the rock; whereas Lebron's baskets would be a little easier to get.  Ron would play tough, but Lebron still moves on to the next and final opponent of this part.  Final score:  Lebron 11, Ron-Ron 6.

Carmelo Anthony:  6'8", 203 lbs.

Lebron's longtime friend would be the "Boss" opponent of this first stage of one-on-one games. If there's one thing Melo can do, it's score the basketball.  However, if it's one thing Melo can't do, it's defend the basketball.  If Lebron were to miss, then it's quite possible for Melo to go on a bit of a scoring run, since it is "make it, take it."  The best defense against Lebron is a strong offense, because he can't score if he doesn't have the ball.  However, I think Lebron could bother Melo more on defense than the vice-versa, and Lebron's speed would end up being too much for Anthony.  Melo, in true Boss fashion, would be difficult to overcome; but it's still Lebron for the win.  Final score:  Lebron 11, Melo 9.

So that's it for the first round of Lebron's one-on-one opponents.  I know a lot of you will be clamoring on my take of the matchup between him and a certain Mamba; but that'll come when it's ready.  Stay tuned for Part 2.

Peace.

Better Know an NBA Franchise: Oklahoma City [Insert Nickname Here]

Getting back to the randomness of this series after being rudely interrupted by the Dallas Mavericks, next up is the basketball franchise formerly known as the Seattle Supersonics. Owner Clay Bennett, fed up with the city's lack of concern for building a new arena, packed up his team and moved for suddenly new basketball city Oklahoma City. He has to leave the Sonics name and colors behind, but he keeps the players, and that's most important. For the fans of the team, look on the bright side. At least the team didn't leave in the middle of the night. Right, Baltimore?...


Players: Regardless of the city, hometown kid Kevin Durant is the face of the franchise. Towards the end of last season, he started to figure out how to score in the NBA, and finished averaging over 20 points a game. Once he puts on weight and moves to small forward, he'll be damn near unstoppable. He desperately needs to improve his defense, or does he? Considering that about 94.7% of the Association doesn't care about that end of the floor, he can fit right in with them. I apologize for not mentioning any of the other player on the team, but besides other hometown kid Jeff Green, the rest of them don't matter. They're still looking for a point guard, drafting young late-bloomer Russell Westbrook out of UCLA. This comes after signing Luke Ridnour to a big contract...to ride the bench midway through last season. They're also still searching for an inside presence because Nick Collison, Johan Petro, and Chris Wilcox are not the solution. It's going to be a long season for the Oklahoma City [Rock Lobsters]*...

Coaches/Front Office:  Despite not having agreed on a team name or uniform design, the Oklahoma City [Percy Miracles]* have already begun the changeover to their new franchise.  New GM Sam Presti has been avidly working on...whatever it is GMs of fledgling teams need to be working on avidly.  I don't know too much about Presti, but he can't possibly be worse than Isiah; so that's a positive at the lowest level.  Coach P.J. Carlesimo isn't expected to take this team to the playoffs, so his job isn't in any kind of jeopardy.  For now, the team will try to maintain relevance and try to generate enough excitement until they can get some better talent around Mr. Durant.

Bonus:  To honor the end of the Seattle franchise, I'll just leave you with this video of Shawn "The Reignman" Kemp in his Sonic prime, before he made his case for Fertile Man of the Decade.  I bet Alton Lister still dreams of having Kemp's sac plastered across his chin...

Projection:  The Oklahoma City [Square Watermelons]* won't be good...for awhile.  But Mr. Durant will continue to improve as a player.  They'll end up right around the same spot in the 2009 Draft...still ahead of the Knicks.

Peace.

*And if one of my nicknames is used, put my check in the mail, please.

Superhero Clash: Who Ya Got?

This started as the yin to the yang that is my Unnecessary Ranking of DC/Marvel Supervillains; but really, I just want to compare the two most famous heroes: Superman and Batman. I have a personal preference in this case, however I will be completely impartial in this juxtaposition (or not). So in the battle of crime-fighters, who ya got?



vs.












There's no need for me to map out all the details for both of them as I did with Barack v. Baron. Everyone knows the backgrounds of both Batman and Superman; and if you don't, then why are you reading this in the first place? We know each of Superman's powers and Batman's gadgets, all of the main nemeses, and their real identities. On paper, Superman crushes Batman in based on abilities alone; so why do I feel the need to have this comparison? The reason is ecause there's a few flaws in the Man of Steel that would let fully human heroes such as Batman be able to be compared with him.

As previously stated, in physical tools, Superman is the overwhelming favorite; so why does my preference lie with The Dark Knight? That answer has many reasons, and once I plead the case for Bruce Wayne, hopefully it will persuade you to favor him as well...

Batman's Strengths: Batman has a huge edge over Superman in terms of their secret identities' lives. Clark Kent is a journalist, so he gets a few points there; but Bruce Wayne isn't just rich, he's wealthy. And in addition to rivaling The Donald's bank account, his swag is unparalleled among people--real or fiction. He isn't a jerk or arrogant, he's just...the man. Bruce possesses so much charisma that every woman, civilians and enemies (Catwoman), want him to explore their Bat-Caves. Yeah, Superman has the women fawning over him, too; but Clark Kent struggles to even get Lois Lane to notice him. Score one for the Bat...

Superman's Weaknesses: Kal-El's weaknesses extend beyond Kryptonite. In fact, Kryptonite is probably the most creative weakness of all the heroes. However, Superman's "style" has a few drawbacks in it. For instance, for someone that is an all-powerful being, Superman receives some of the most brutal beatdowns--real or fictional. Granted, he tends to deal with stronger foes; but Superman's powers give him advantages over almost all of them, yet he refuses to use them. I'm speaking specifically of his super speed. If he's, "faster than a speeding bullet," then why do weapons frequently hit him? The only way The Flash gets hit with anything is if they manage to slow him down somehow. Superman has been frequently shot while facing his opponent, so what's the deal? My belief is that because Superman was so awesomely created, he has to have struggles with what ends up being significantly weaker foes to add drama to the storyline. I apologize if I don't get it, but superheroes should show their dominance early. As the strongest in the universe, he sure gets whooped on a lot. I mean, Batman's human, and super-strong enemies have never wailed on him like he was some bully's lunchtime punching bag...

Intangibles: This brings me to another point: the enemies. As revealed in my supervillains list, I believe The Riddler is the best enemy ever drawn. Not because he has any abilities, but solely because he requires Batman to laterally think his way out of situations. Has Superman ever had to do this extremely difficult problem solving in order to save Metropolis? All of his enemies require him to pit his powers up against theirs, and after about three to four minutes of mindless attacking, Superman overwhelms the enemy and wins. Big whoop. I want my hero to be a genius, just in case Option A, B, and C are unavailable to him. Oh, did I mention Batman is rich upon rich upon rich?...

In conclusion, while Superman's logo looks way better, you can do more with his color scheme and costume, and should easily be the best hero ever placed in comic book panels, there are certain flaws that allow for Batman to claim the top spot. If I had done the unnecessary rankings, Superman would unquestionably be number two, ahead of famous heroes such as Spiderman, Iron Man, and Captain America. It's just that Batman's swag is undeniable and unrivaled, and Superman can't match wits with him. Maybe Clark Kent can advance his career and work for Wayne Enterprises, because Bruce is so...so rich. However, if you agree or disagree, you can vote using the poll on this page. If you have a case for the Man of Steel, by all means leave it in the comment box...so it can be debated and countered. To me, Superman should get his power and cape snatched.



Peace.

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