Things I Hate: Basketball Edition

I'm in a good mood. I'm legal; and a lot of things are starting to come together for me. So what better way to celebrate such a warm feeling than to talk about the things I hate. There will be a new sport posted every...whenever I feel like it; and I will do the positive version after the negative. Today I will start with my favorite sport, basketball. Please note that I don't really, "hate" these people/things; but "Things I'm Not Too Fond Of" doesn't have the same ring to it. This is not an attack on anyone's personal character. It's merely related to the game they get paid to play and the one I love the most. And for those of you that know me and have an idea of what will be first on the list; there's a last-minute shocker at the #1 spot.


#1: Media Timeouts...
Have you ever been upset because while watching a good game, there seems to be a random commercial break? Well you, sir/ma'am/alien chief, are victim of the media timeout. It's not random—I've watched thousands of college and NBA games to know. In the NBA, there's a media timeout after the first six minutes of the first and third quarters; and every three minutes after that. In college, there's a media timeout every four minutes—and that's regardless if a coach takes an actual timeout. That previous sentence is what bugs me about March Madness—in particular, CBS college basketball broadcasts. To me, there isn't that much ad revenue that there must be a commercial break for a 30-second timeout during the intentional foul stages of the game. Then, they try to come back to a camera shot of a team in the huddle like that's still good television. They do it because they know you won't turn away; so why not earn a couple hundred thousand bucks while you wait? That doesn't take away from the fact that the last 40 seconds of a close game takes somewhere around 10 minutes to finish....


#2: Kwame Brown...
I guess Kwame can't be at the top of anything anymore. At the conception of this idea, he was cemented at the top spot. However, after watching this past college basketball season, the media timeouts beat Kwame by a Western Kentucky 3-pointer. He's not number one because nowadays, there's limited sight of him; whereas media timeouts are unavoidable. Anyway, the reasons I despise GM VP of Basketball Operations Michael Jordan's prized draft pick are obvious. He's blessed with immense talent (except Gifted Hands...word to Dr. Ben Carson); but yet he has no desire to be better. For his tenure here in Chocolate City, Wizards fans were begging for him to grasp it, and harness his ability. For some games, he would show flashes of it; then disappear like a cheap magic trick. These brief moments of brilliance bamboozled people into believing he'd be like Jermaine O'Neal. FAIL. Kwame has been reduced to being part of a garbage trade that sent Pau Gasol to the Lakers. Again, I hope he figures it out. He's only 25, and can still improve if he so chooses. But at the rate he's going, congrats on a wonderful career, Kwame...


#3: NBA All-Star Weekend (Minus the Dunk Contest)...
If it weren't for Dwight Howard saving the dunk contest last February*, the entire weekend would be on this list. This is mainly devoted to the Skills Competition and the Shootaround—or whatever it's called when there are teams of an NBA player, a WNBA player, and a former NBA player taking turns shooting at different stations on the floor. These two competitions are tremendously boring. Who wants to sit there and watch David Robinson attempt half-court shots? Or watch Dwyane Wade weave between NBA-logo defenders? Not me. I'd rather watch someone play Super Mario Frustration until the dunk contest begins. Oh, and then there's the game(s). Aside from this, I didn't get great satisfaction watching either the Rookie-Sophomore or All-Star games. Figure something out, Commish. Preferably before you globalize the league.


#4: The High School/College Jersey Number Rule...
We have another stunner here. A late entry makes the cut. I recently learned from one of my boys that high school and college players are not allowed to wear jerseys with the numbers six, seven, eight, and nine on them. Why you ask? Just in case one school has too many retired numbers? No. Because they don't want players with a sense of humor to wear #69? Nope. The reason why is because high school and college referees signal player numbers with one hand. So this means that either whomever is training them is too lazy to teach them to signal player numbers with both hands; the refs-in-training are too incompetent to learn (despite having skill to count with both hands based on elementary school); or they feel scorekeepers don't possess such knowledge of counting and can't hear the ref saying the number as well. This wouldn't really have applied to me because I wore either #2 or #45; but if Deron Williams preferred the number 8 over his number 5 at Illinois, then he'd just have to take that loss. This is ridiculously lame, and I wonder if there'll ever come a time when that rule has to be violated due to the growing number of jerseys hanging in campus rafters. NCAA...you're On Notice (NSFW).


#5: Culture loopholes in playing for national teams around the world...
Let me explain. College basketball fans, do you remember a Pitt guard by the name of Karl Krauser? Well, if you do, then you know that at every big moment of the game, he throws up the "BX" sign. Did you also know that he was from the Virgin Islands? That's because he isn't; but his grandmother's aunt's best friend's sister is...or something like that. How else can he play for the U.S. Virgin Islands national basketball team? It seems that FIBA isn't too strict on their ethnicity policy. Fine. I have Jamaican and Native American roots, so does that mean I can be on the Jamaican bobsled team and collect my piece of reservation land somewhere in Montana? Doubt it. I'm not mad at the players for doing it; but it's the policy that's terrible. A word of advice to the Canadian national team: recruit the Toronto Raptors. I know Chris Bosh and TJ Ford have residence/citizenship there, I'd suggest you bolster your roster. And to the Italian and German national teams, I suggest you pony up the money for the Black Mamba; since he grew up in your countries and knows the language. Point is, pretty soon, countries will be bidding on NBA players and free agency will have gone global. Is this a part of David Stern's dream too?
#6: Bonus
As a bonus, I'm going to list the players I dislike (for basketball reasons) in professional hoops (aside from Kwame). Dirk Nowitzki, Michael Olowokandi, Eddy Curry/Zach Randolph (because these Fat Boys are a package deal), Erick Dampier, Chris Webber, Vince Carter, Reggie Miller (for obvious Knick-related reasons), and Stephon Marbury. I'll just stop now because I'll start reliving past Knick failures, and I'm not trying to spoil the rest of my 21st birthday.



Peace.