I Blame You, C-Webb

The NBA playoffs are on the horizon. In arguably the greatest regular season in the history of the League Western Conference, die-hard basketball fans get to watch amazing basketball through all four rounds. There are storylines everywhere: can the upstart Hornets continue their run? Can Tracy McGrady get out of the first round; as well as 'Melo & AI? Will Kobe win his first title sans-Shaq? Will the Suns finally beat the Spurs? Is Dallas finished? I don't do a lot of analysis; so I'll answer all most of these in one-word fashion: For one series, no, almost, no, probably...But this isn't about the sixteen teams that made it to the second season. This is about the one with the best record that didn't.


[Sniffs]

How could you do this to me, Golden State? How could you leave me like this? Without you in the postseason, there isn't that psychotic style that breathes fresh air into the monotony that tends to invade parts of the second season. I know that Denver's in, but no one believes in them like we did with you. Phoenix seems to have begun solving the Diesel's Rubix's Cube, but they're—they're just not the same. You've supplanted them in the chaos dimension that is my heart. Your style is a symbol of my generation: and I don't mean Stephen Jackson's obvious current former gang affiliations. I mean the rebelliousness that comes with each generation. You play without many set plays, ignore conventional hoops wisdom, and survive on your own talents and abilities. Without you—though the Western Conference playoffs will be exciting—feels incomplete to me without you there.

[Sniffs again]

It's not the fact that you missed the playoffs in a tough West. It's the way it happened. The Mad Scientist benches his best two players—Captain Jack in the second quarter, and The Baron for the whole second half—in the biggest game of the year. Yes, Baron was struggling in the first half; but as much as he can shoot you out of a game, he can shoot you back in one. He can even make a game-winner or two. So, why do it? Whatever in-house animosity there was should have been settled after the game; after you made the playoffs. And now, now you're home watching the playoffs with me.


[A tear rolls down, sniff]

You know who I blame? I don't blame you, Nellie. Or you, Baron Davis. You know who I blame? Chris Webber. That's right, I blame you, C-Webb. You brought your curse of losing to the Bay Area and kept my Warriors from a playoff run. Not to mention that you didn't even play in half of the games after you were signed. In fact, I hold you responsible for hindering the entire NBA. How dare you stop the momentum of the fast break movement era overtaking the NBA? If the Warriors had made a decent run; then in no more than five years there would be uptempo teams all over the league. Now, basketball fans have to sit through hours of so-called analysts saying how much, "defense wins championships," and such. It's true, but scoring differential is more important than overall defense. The fact still remains that points wins games. We could've been on the verge of the basketball of old—where 120-point games were easily attainable. But you and your knees and invisible defense have cost Golden State, as well as the rest of the league. Thanks a lot, C-Webb. At least you now have time to produce beats for Nas...

[Another tear surfaces]

It'll take time for me to heal the pieces of my basketball heart. I should recover by...around 12:30 Eastern Time on Saturday. See you next year, Golden State. Even if your team may have a totally different look to it.




Peace.